there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
