You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize