I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
