is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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