im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
