The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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