i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
