she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
