highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
