I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
