A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
