he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
