I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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