What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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