i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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