So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
