it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
