why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize