singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
