sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize