i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
