Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
