My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
