Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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