Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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