i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize