My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
please don't ironically join a cult
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