well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
