Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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