Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
