we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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