i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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