I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
