just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
