ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
