i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
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