my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
