need another drink. this is the easiest way
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
