Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize