Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
