Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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