Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
