my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
