I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
