I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You are a genius and a whore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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