Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
