My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize