smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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