im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
