you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
