that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
