Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
