Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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