You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
