redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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