She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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