I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
