$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
