I hope mine doesn't look like that
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
