i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
