god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
