Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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