Well douche your snatch and let's go!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
