I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
