so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
