remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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