Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
