where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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