Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
