Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Found your dick twin last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize
