I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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