She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
