can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize