Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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