nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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