Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
