If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
